I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
