hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
