I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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