Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
