I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
