Barsexuality is the new black.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
