is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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