if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
