Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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