genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize