She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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