I think my vagina is haunted
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
