I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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