its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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