He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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