what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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