hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
