oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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