Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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