i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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