is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
