He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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