hotel room ftw
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
