I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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