maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize