Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
