i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
