we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
