Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
