I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
