i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
