I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
