shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
