they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
