I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
