Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
