The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
