Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
