I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize