I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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