i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
