Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You smell like stripper and shame
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
