he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
