I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What a dumb baby whore.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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