Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
