Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
