So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Success! We fucked roommates!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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