just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
