If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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