Someone shit on the floor
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
