I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
