There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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