I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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