do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
