Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
