The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
