I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
