Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
handjob tips. give me some.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
