plz talk dirty to me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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