Acid is not a monday night drug
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
