dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
