He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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