That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
