It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
